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Who Are You? - Based on Your Car

Who Are You? - Based on Your Car

What your car class says about you:

Disclaimer: these are my own, satirical opinions about car classes and do not necessarily represent the views of the rest of Cars Unlimited or any other affiliations! They are not specifically tied to any OEMs. Unless it’s ****** – who should switch their motto to “the sweatpants of the automotive world!” Simple, functional, gets the job done, but you’re not impressing anyone. We both know who you are.

On to the list!

A/B segment (subcompact / economy car) – let’s face it, if I lived close enough, I’d be taking the train or riding a bicycle. I am more impressed by the device connectivity than I am anything under the hood. In fact, my car may not even have anything under the hood. I don’t know. I’ve never looked.

C segment (compact car) – I am an “A to B”er. I get up and go to work. I pack my lunch every day, and by lunch I mean sandwich. I may still listen to talk radio on AM/FM, or plug my iPod into my cassette AUX adapter. I may fool myself and get the “sports package”, but really am just into it for the sweet wheels!


D segment (large / executive car) – I lack understanding about car size and fuel economy. I say things like “the extra legroom” and “more safe”, but I really I yearn for the days where the Cutlass reigned supreme. I had a D car once. I convinced myself it was a better, bigger car than the C car. Until I found out leg room was about a quarter better (literally, the size of a quarter) than the C, and the car was significantly longer. But the trunk space!

E/F segment (executive / luxury car) – I have enough money to spend on nice cars. They are probably foreign cars. They are probably made with quality materials, and should be better based on “German engineering”. What that really translates to is a German mortgage payment every time you need to get an oil change. And stolen emblems.

S segment (sports) – Ah yes. Either you’re hitting a midlife crises, have dreams of pedaling it to the metal at every stop light, or you’re a teenager trying to convince the world your V6 is a “muscle car”. I have a pony car. I mash the gas whenever I can. I say words like “America”, and “shale oil” to justify my purchase. I am concerned about the environment, but not concerned enough to give up horsepower and torque. #America #AmericanMuscle #StarsAndStripes


M (multipurpose / minivan / van) – I own my own business, or have 15 kids.

J segment (CUV – SUV) – Here’s the sweet spot – I want a car small enough to be a car, but taller than a car, but not tall as a truck. I convince myself the extra cargo room will be invaluable when I go kayaking and camping out in the wilderness. And if not that, at least I can stuff two jumbo packs of paper towels and toilet paper per trip to by wholesale store.

Pickup (Pickup) – Either I live in the country and need the capability of this, or I live in the city and need to challenge the capability of the city planner’s road system. I fall into this category. I felt the need to switch to a pickup truck as soon as I heard I was moving into downtown Detroit and would have to use a valet. I have recently moved back out, but my truck still has a smashed sidestep and door to remind me of my bad decisions. I love my truck.


Electric (Electric) - The future is electric, so I am the future! My house is dark hardwood, stainless steel, and glass walls. I have a voice activated assistant to flush the toilet. My house is in the woods, and my driveway is fully illuminated with solar-powered LED lights. Tony Stark is my spirit animal. Or Al Gore.

Classic (Classic) – I have too much time and money on my hands. How can I waste it? I know, I should build up an old truck and rally it to Alaska by entering the #ProjectAlcan!

Didn’t think I’d get through that without a plug, did you?

 ~ Sal Palafox ~

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